Joke #533

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
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has 80.44 % from 1247 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, friendship

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I posted a blonde joke on facebook accompanied by: "for my blonde friends... an apology". One of them responded. "You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
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has 51.25 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, Facebook, friendship, stupid
Q: What did the cannibal do once he dumped his lady friend? A: He wiped his bottom.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: black humor, friendship
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him. 5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate. 8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it- I mean it! As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper. 10. Listen to the other side. 11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order. 12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large. 13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor. 15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile. 16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26. 17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot. 18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. 19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. 20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future. 21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall. 22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it. 24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise. 25. Lie face down on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs. 26. Leap up and write the paper. 27. Type the paper. 28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the paper.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: friendship, school, student, time, work
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 61.04 % from 289 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
Dear Facebook, Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, family
I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up.
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has 57.99 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: Facebook
Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.
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has 73.40 % from 913 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: friendship, game, mean, school, time
An old football player was dying. So he called her wife and told her: "My dearest you see I'm dying. May you confess how many times you have done betrays against me during your life?" Her spouse said: "Forgive me, my dear, only 3 times: 1. Do you remember it was so difficult to admit you as a football player in the team? So I went to the couch and did something. That was the cause for you to be a player in the team. 2. Do you remember when you entered the team no body didn't pass you? I went to 10 others players so they changed a friendly treatment during half times. 3. Do you remember during matching nobody of 30000 viewers didn't encourage you? I did something..."
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has 83.77 % from 1493 votes. More jokes about: death, football, friendship, relationship, sex
Boss comes up to an employee: "Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!" "Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."
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has 72.20 % from 309 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, work