Joke #5380

Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother." Santa - "Send me your mother."
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

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My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
Vote: has 32.76 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

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What has 100 teeth and eats weiners? A zipper!
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car. "We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks. Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." "But it stinks!" she exclaims. "So hold its nose!"
Vote: has 85.42 % from 440 votes. Send joke:

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Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.” She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises. “Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.” “You’re absolutely right sweetheart, ”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked. “You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered. “True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. “Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?” “Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”
Vote: has 87.47 % from 513 votes. Send joke:

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 67.19 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

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Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome
Vote: has 78.99 % from 308 votes. Send joke:

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Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his p*nis. Lady asks, "What are you?" He says, "I'm a fireman." "But you're only wearing a glass jar," says the woman. He says, "Exactly, in an emergency, break glass." Pull knob and I'll cum as fast as I can!"
Vote: has 84.84 % from 430 votes. Send joke:

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A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs. He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs". She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

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A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?" His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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