There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah.
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor. "Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly. "Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?" "Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"
How did that bullfight come out? Oh, it was a toss-up.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way? Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
What do you call a show full of lions? The mane event.