Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Chuck Norris' tears would save lives, if he'd cry.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris' blood is the only blood to test positive for kickass.
When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the treadmill sweats.
No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.