A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
Teacher: Your behaviour reminds me of square root of 2? Student: Why? Teacher: Because its’ completely irrational.
I love math - it makes people cry.
Teacher: What's 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
Teacher: "Are you good at math?" Pupil: "Yes and no." Teacher: "What do you mean?" Pupil: "Yes, I'm no good at math!"