Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Mary and Jane are talking. Mary declares that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying. ‘How did you manage it?’ asks Jane. ‘I went to that hypnotherapist on the High Street,’ replies Mary. ‘I got pregnant within two months.’ ‘Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,’ says Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’ ‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary. ‘You have to go alone.’
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here". The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here". And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it. Why? Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex. No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.
Did you hear about the transvestite who wanted a night on the town? He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.
Sex is like a motor racing - the most important thing is not to save money for bes quality rubber.
Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"
One day Pebbles Flintstone got scared and hopped in bed with Wilma and Fred. She looked under the covers on Wilma's side and asked what that was and Wilma said well Pebbles thas my rock. After that Pebbles looked on Fred's side and asked what that thing was down there and Fred replied thats my rock grinder. So Pebbles layed there for a few minutes then sat up and said so mommy puts her rock in daddy's rock grinder and out pops PEBBLES! ! ! !
In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another. But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order. So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did… After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband… The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation. “You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah “I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”