A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air. Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I? Ugly!
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
What is grosser than gross? When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea? A: He drowned in his own tea pe