Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Mortal Kombat is not difficult enough for Chuck Norris, so he got Immortal Kombat.
When Jeronimo jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "CHUUUUCCCKKK NNNNOOOORRRIIIISSSSSS!" When Chuck Norris jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
Across all of the infinite number of parallel universes the version of Chuck Norris is the same. Nature knows perfection when she sees it.
Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
There are no such things as Chuck Norris haters...just people with short lives.
Nails wish they were as tough as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is why we don't need no stinking badgers.