Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?" Sam: "I don't know." Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark." Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. ” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!" Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"
Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?” The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None, how do you figure that?” The little boy says, “if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence.” The teacher replies, “Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!” The little boy then says, “Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?” The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, “Well, I guess the one sucking her cone.” To which the little boy replies, “Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!”
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning. (The Fast and The Furious) It doesn't matter if you pass the semester by getting 40% or 95%. Passing's passing.
This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?" The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's." The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher asked "Where's the p? He replied, " running down my leg!"