Bill Gates owes Chuck Norris money.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris can fly around the world on a paper airplane.
Everytime a star explodes, it's because one of Chuck Norris's victims just landed there after being round-house kicked.
Chuck Norris recently got himself an iPad. It turned into iDust when he tried to use it.
Ckuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet...he scares the shit out of it.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a stapler, he puts the paper between his fingers and they just stick.
When Chuck Norris surfs the Internet, he actually surfs on a virtual wave of 1's and 0's.