Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:Because they can.
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Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?
Both are food from aloft!
How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
A boy asks his mother for breakfast.
She says, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today."
So he kicks the chicken.
He does the same with the cow and the pig.
The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry.
His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat.
The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle.
"I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk.
The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini?
A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.