A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
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Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her.
The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."
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The teacher asked Johnny, "What is sex?"
Johnny stood up and said: "Sex is a temptation caused my a sensation where a boy sticks his location into a girls destination to increase the population of the next generation"
The teacher stared at him and fainted.
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Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic?
A: Snap-on tools!
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"