Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.
The Universe is not expanding. It's running away from Chuck Norris.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
Just announced that they are changing all the days of the week to Chuckdays. Happy Chuckday everyone!
Chuck Norris cleans his teeth with a dentists drill.
Don King once had straight hair, until that day he saw Chuck Norris' eyes staring him down.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.