Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
Chuck Norris' day consists of 25 hours.
Once you pop, you just can't stop. Unless you're Chuck Norris.
Wet doesn't get Chuck Norris Chuck Norris gets wet.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
2 > 1... unless that 1 is Chuck Norris.
Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.
Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.