Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
When Chuck Norris surfs the Internet, he actually surfs on a virtual wave of 1's and 0's.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once fell off a ladder, it immediately became a chair and caught him out of fear.
Big Foot discovered Chuck Norris and hid in the forest.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Chuck Norris can speak Japanese... in French.
Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
Chuck Norris' Motto is: "The beard is mightier than the sword."
Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.