Joke #5869

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What do you call of 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.

There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.

What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"