Chuck Norris doesn't use anti-virus. Viruses use anti-Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris shaves with predator mandibles and uses alien blood for shaving cream.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Chuck Norris' glare will liquify your kidney.
When Chuck Norris has a bone to pick, it's always the jawbone.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck.
Chuck Norris cut his scissors using his hair.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second. It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.