During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3."
All was good.
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Chuck Norris never reads the News – because Chuck Norris IS the News.
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Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
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Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
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Chuck Norris once stuck a fork in a toaster and the toaster got electrocuted.
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When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies dead.
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Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
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Chuck Norris can make sounds come out on his Air Guitar.
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The energizer bunny freezes when it sees Chuck Norris.
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