My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M.
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
My doctor examined my testicles for me and found two small lumps. Luckily it turned out they were my testicles.
A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? Yes, honey, three times. When was the first time? Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? Do you remember when you were very ill and nobody would agree to make the surgery for you? And finally the head of the department took care of you? Thank you darling, you saved my life. And with whom have you been unfaithful to me for the third time? Do you remember when you were a candidate to the position of city mayor and you were missing 36 votes?
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.