When Chuck Norris falls into a puddle of water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris. This is just a joke, we know Chuck Norris doesn't fall..ever
When Chuck Norris bakes cookies for his enemies, he adds his own secret ingredient to make a special taste to it. Its called "defeat".
You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
Someone tried to stab Chuck Norris in the stomach, and the knife bent on his rock-hard abs.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
WikiLeaks are just Chuck Norris' Thoughts.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
The climate requires Chuck's permission to change.
Chuck Norris never swam. Every time he was about to get in a pool the water ran away in terror!