Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress.
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Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes.
Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
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Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once starred in Wheel of Fortune.
The last twenty nine minutes were spent in an awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.
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When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad.
It says he's Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
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In "ring around the rosie", Chuck Norris does not fall down.
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Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
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Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset.
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