Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: "You better catch up!"
What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine.
But I need a line to end it.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.
He called his mother to share his good news with her.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.
When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.
He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.
She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead."
"How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.
She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life.
Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Vote:
While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
Vote:
*BOOM*
Mum shouts: "What was that?"
Me: "My coat fell."
Mum: "It sounded a lot heavier than that!"
Me: "I was in it."