How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
Q: How do you get a black out of a tree? A: Cut the rope.
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.