Chuck Norris can read an eye chart with his eyes closed.
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris doesn't cry. His eyes sweat.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it...
When you google up Chuck Norris, he googles you back for revenge.
If Chuck Norris were a substance, he would abuse you.