Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy. "There were no survivors."
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Chuck Norris can paint himself into a corner and still get the job done.
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.