Chuck Norris and Hitler were sitting in a cafe. Chuck said, "I don't like the juice." Hitler heard him wrong.
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs." Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?" Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about the jews."
Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.
Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.