A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications. Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant. Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion! Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse.
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.