What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look I'm changing! 
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What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
Paddy and Murphy were doing a crossword.
Paddy asks, "How do you spell paint"?
Murphy replies, "What color?"
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When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked.
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!;)
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”