Joke #6712

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre. When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them." He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point. They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers "Duke!" and sits back down. "Great!" he thought. "They really think it's the dog!" So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts "Duke!" and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. "Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!"
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A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier. Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man. "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier. The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand. "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here." The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag. "It is all soft and warm," she says. "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
Vote: has 83.11 % from 313 votes. Send joke:

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Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
Vote: has 82.81 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

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A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”
Vote: has 82.77 % from 235 votes. Send joke:

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What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Vote: has 82.48 % from 84 votes. Send joke:

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Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."
Vote: has 81.66 % from 402 votes. Send joke:

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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Vote: has 81.65 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

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Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
Vote: has 80.37 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower. When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!" Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"
Vote: has 76.70 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

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