Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.