Joke #6776

Marraige is a 3-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"

A man married an illiterate wife. After two years of marriage, they gave birth to a son called EFe. One day his mother asked him to read is multiplication table and he started immediately but when he reached 4multiply by 4 he mistakingly said 8 they mother angrily slapped him and told him the answer wasn't 8 but 44. The boy cried and reported what happened to the father, the father took him back and angrily told the wife to tell him the correct answer and the woman hurriedly say 4mutiply by 4 is it not 44. The man now calmed down and sai d u are Lucky that you got the answer if not I would have disgraced you here. I hope they are all brilliant.

Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring

I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast. So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’ At least that’s what I meant to say. What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen. The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom. The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Screw you." But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.

She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.

After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. She warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"