Chuck Norris can choke you to life.
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Chuck Norris saw the Invisible Man.
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Once Chuck Norris rubbed a magical lamp, nothing came out.
The genie ain't stupid.
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Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants.
Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
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Before his rise to fame, Jaws was Chuck Norris's goldfish.
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I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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