What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
Are you gonna eat that?
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob.
The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick"
The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"
One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife.
As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.
Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship.
The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.
The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another.
They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?”
The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.
About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?”
The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.”
So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer.
The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.”
“And how about the Martian woman?”
The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”
Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
He's down to four butts a day.
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots.
The bartender asks him if it's a special occation?
The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob".
The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house".
The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".
My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me.
On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen.
Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"
Vote:
Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."
Vote:
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end.
He'll come out a wide receiver!
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote: