There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured.
First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger.
So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000.
The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000.
The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls.
They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure.
"You have no balls" they say.
"Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.
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How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Macedonian men and 1 Macedonian woman.
One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere...
The first Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Macedonian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Macedonian woman and started swimming.
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A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet.
What are they thinking?
The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet.
He doesn’t want to talk.
May be he’s get tired of me.
He doesn’t love me anymore.
He’s probably got someone else.
I see.
We’ll have to separate each other."
The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling.
Wow!
How keep it there and don’t fall?"
A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life.
“Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fags in America?” comes from the CB.
The Roadway driver replies, “I don’t know.”
The other trucker says ” You and your brother.”
Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him “It’s just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see.”
Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck.
He gets on the CB and says “Hey other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world are?”
The other trucker says, “I don’t know, who?”
The roadway driver replies “Me and my brother.”
God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
First the good news.
I have given you a brain and a p***s.
The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.