If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet." They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?" The other replies, "I'm having a ball!" Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum. Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?" To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips." Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?" "No, but it stops me from licking them!"
As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.
How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."