I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears.
What am I?
Ugly!
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Yo Mama so hairy, when she shaved her legs, your dad thought she got a new carpet.
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Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
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Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena.
Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Jim, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
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Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
A: Because they're ugly and they stink.
There was a vampire who sucked people's blood for many centuries.
God was very angry at the vampire and said to him, "You're going to hell!"
The vampire fell to his knees and said, "God, I beg of you, give me one more chance to be good."
God agreed.
Then the vampire said, "I want to be light, fluffy, and white like a cloud."
"That seems easy enough," replied God.
"I would also like to have wings like an angel."
"OK," replied God.
Since God had said yes to all his requests, the vampire decided to ask for a very greedy request.
"God, if possible, could you let me suck a little blood?"
"Sure," replied God, "but only once a month." And he turned the vampire into a maxi pad with wings.
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What do you get when you eat a prune pizza?
Pizzeria!
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Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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"Siri, why am I still single?"
Siri activates front camera.
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What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
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