Joke #7346

Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
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A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?” She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
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At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, "Will you dance with me, please?" The arrogant girl says, "I don’t dance with a kid." The taken back boy apologized, "I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant."
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In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *poof!* she’s gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she’s gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
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There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?” The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!” So the woman asked, “Is this a record?” To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
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A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you." The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."
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Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.
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Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
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What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
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I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
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