Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
Chuck Norris shaves with predator mandibles and uses alien blood for shaving cream.
Chuck Norris didn't sign the Declaration of Idependence because he wanted the British to think they had chance.
Chuck Norris doesn't take the cake, the cake sees Chuck Norris and begs to be devoured.
Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.
If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.
The secret ingredient in the KFC recipe is Chuck Norris' approval.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice