One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks, physics decides to shut up.
The burning bush that Moses spoke of was actually Chuck Norris's beard!
Chuck norris recently received a restraining order barring him from getting closer then half a mile from Satan.
Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.