Joke #7572

Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting

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Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
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When you're neckin' with yer honey And your nose is kinda runny You might think it's funny... But it's not.
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One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired hand over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked his hired hand to give it a try. The hired hand removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow. "What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified. "Well, I wasn't gonna use the side that YOU had put your lips on."
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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
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I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear. She said, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!" The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!" This time, he figured he'd better look into it. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me sir, could I help you?" The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..." The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!"
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has 71.74 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, old people, sex, travel