How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing.
How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" "Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer. His friends were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison." "Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.
How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
Stupid? He wanted to be a farmer. So he studied pharmacy.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.