Chuck Norris takes care of his guardian angel.
When Chuck Norris breaks a sweat... he tries to do it as quickly as possible so as not to hurt it.
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
hen Chuck Norris goes fishing he stands at the edge of the water and says: "Don`t make me go in there to get you".
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris didn't survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
In a fight with the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket," I'm afraid Chuck would gracefully decline to fight.