What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.
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Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Q: How does every black joke start?
A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.
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When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
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Daddy to his son:
I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
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Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
A: Because his wife died.
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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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