Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
A: Who knows it's never been done.
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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
Chinese and American are in a plane.
Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry.
After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it.
While he's gone, American spits into his shoes.
Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke.
That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry."
Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"