The Universe is not expanding.
It's running away from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.
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Q: Why is Chuck Norris still alive?
A: Death remembers the feeling of the round-house kick.
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Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
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Chuck Norris can eat the inside of an orange without peeling it.
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Death was created after Chuck Norris was born.
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Chuck Norris can get up to level 40 in Fallout 3.
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Chuck Norris does not listen to lectures.
Lectures listen to Chuck Norris.
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When the metal detector goes off at the airport, it is just verifying Chuck Norris walked through.
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