I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!
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A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide.
‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian.
The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section.
It’s empty.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian.
‘They don’t often bring them back.'
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?"
She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes.
Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?"
He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...
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A man walks into a sperm Bank.
He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle.
He decides to start a conversation with him.
He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?"
The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Q: Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toybox?
A: Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie!
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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