Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
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Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets!
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Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven.
"I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven.
But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off."
So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off.
When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
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David received a parrot for his birthday.
The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an obscenity.
Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back.
He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments.
He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.
David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.”
David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party?
A: "You're not owld enough."