Chuch Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.
Chuck Norris can travel back in time into the future.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a security system. Chuck Norris is a security system.
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
In fourth grade, a teacher edited Chuck Norris's essay. Big mistake. You don't edit Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris edits you... with his fist.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean. The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
There's a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris... organ donors.