Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place?" "He was sacked for making a grave mistake."
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’
How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!