Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
Never tell Chuck Norris he lost the game because he will make you lose the game then roundhouse kick you in the face making you lose twice.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
Chuck Norris once was pulled over by a policeman for speeding. Chuck gave him a warning.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.